I’ve had many odd jobs through the years, or “jobby jobs” as most freelance artists call them, and as far as odd jobs go, this new one compares with the best of them. As a sometimes struggling artist, it's important to keep the employment-that-doesn't-serve-your-higher-goals in check and non-committal, as the term “jobby job” inherently by its creation denotes. Because you aren’t there to stay - it’s a means to an end. I think this latest one demands a nod. A good friend turned me on to it. I get to experience a real slice of other people’s lives. I make my own hours, and as a writer, this is a dream come true. But as a woman who wants to affect some positive change in this world, it’s nice for a temporary fit.
Madglory's Glory
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Odd Jobs
I’ve had many odd jobs through the years, or “jobby jobs” as most freelance artists call them, and as far as odd jobs go, this new one compares with the best of them. As a sometimes struggling artist, it's important to keep the employment-that-doesn't-serve-your-higher-goals in check and non-committal, as the term “jobby job” inherently by its creation denotes. Because you aren’t there to stay - it’s a means to an end. I think this latest one demands a nod. A good friend turned me on to it. I get to experience a real slice of other people’s lives. I make my own hours, and as a writer, this is a dream come true. But as a woman who wants to affect some positive change in this world, it’s nice for a temporary fit.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Why Dance Alone
I know as a writer, I mustn't ever give up. Writing is a tough enough road. I really only think about giving up when I'm sad. Because sadness is directly linked to defeat. But WHY would I give up? What would I do if defeated - move home and be an absolute terror to my family, emblazoned with the knowledge dreams have been relinquished? What are my dreams - to make a difference. What does making a difference mean to me? Changing people's lives for the better. Making things matter. Shining light where there was once ignorance, darkness and pain. I vow to fill the world with more joy and less suffering. A tall order, I know.
That shifted, and I felt at times during this week a deep sadness at what could be but may never be. When the pain finally abated, I realized again that my future matters. I was able to breathe and think. And what I surmised is this: Nothing is ever over. And forces that bring people together will bring them together again. The only thing I count on is the day. Because my heart races with possibility. I am at the helm. Ready to love, feel, and hopefully not ever cringe. I know what it's like to be doubled over in pain due to loss. Losing something meaningful sucks.
Happily, I have in my tool kit a tool that I either picked up along the way and polished over the years, or it was gifted me through good parenting, The wherewithal to stand up and strengthen my spine (See Steel Your Spine http://madglory.blogspot.com/2010/07/steel-your-spine.html). To always tackle the next challenge, whether that's with my relationships with friends, family or a potential partner. *Family constitute more forgiving creatures, such is the nature of unconditional love*. I have remained true to myself for so many years. The instinct I have cultivated has served me well. I continue to listen to it as it continues to activate when needed most. I am unafraid to stand up for myself, knowing self worth is always more than half the battle. Too many bad choices are made because of self-doubt. Downward spirals usually follow.
I think of my Papa, who said if he had been born a woman, he would have wanted a life like mine. His words honor me. It's time to make my Papa proud. Shedding any sadness and doubt, never giving up faith in finding a dance partner, and fulfilling my word to myself to live a a life well lived. It's out there, and I am finding it. Piece by piece, trusting every step. As long as you like the company you keep, you're doing fine.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The Irony of Content
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Answer America
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A Platform From Which to Soar
“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” - Guillaume Apollinaire
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Fourthcoming
“Wow, can she run!” I said to her dad as he struggled to catch up.
“She’s really excited” he smiled. And as he passed me, I wondered if my frown would burn on my face forever, the well of disappointment sinking deeper.
See, this was one of those days set aside to break up our oft-mundane existence, otherwise known as a holiday. And on this day, we celebrate our self-gratifying independence with noise and bright lights. We wait all year to do this in such a memorable display. And it’s fun for the whole family. At least, it’s supposed to be. I’ve always enjoyed this holiday because I’m surrounded by family and friends bbqing and celebrating. And honestly, fireworks turn me into a giddy 10 year old.
This year, no such joyful regression occurred. In fact, it was all I could do to hold myself together and not throw a child-like tantrum. I had no one to blame it on. The faceless internet gave a list of locations to view fireworks, the shows all starting at 9:00pm. Picking a park nearby, droves of people show up only to meander around aimlessly, questioning the validity of the ad. Children waited with their parents on blankets. Teens, doing their part to stay out of trouble, kept to themselves. Couples and families awaited the sky to be set ablaze. Yet, the fireworks never came.
“They had them here yesterday”, a kid told me, as he and his friends walked out as shadowy figures with their heads down. I could feel his disappointment in the dark. It was too late to drive to another location. We had missed the show.
I wanted to cry! How could I be robbed of this small pleasure? I wait all year for this day! Why did I pick the wrong venue? As I made my way back to my car, I was too upset to speak. Which was fine, because I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news for all those still waiting for a light show that would never happen. And then I saw the little girl in the pink, ruffled dress. She had the determination of a marathon runner. And her father, gasping behind her, shattered my heart with his exasperated smile. In that moment, I pulled what little grace I remember possessing, and found my way out. Not just out of the park, but out of this depressed space. It’s okay to be disappointed, I told myself. An innocent mistake certainly doesn’t define you.
On the drive home, I opted for back roads. Something in my gut told me that because I was in no rush, I should take my time and work on shifting my mood. Suddenly, as I was making a left at a traffic light, and enormous “Boom!” went off directly above me. I looked up in time to see a spray of green lights about 40 feet above my head! Then, each green dot of light turned to white and the white light slowly fizzled down like snow across the dark night sky. I have never been this close to a firework this size. I laughed out loud and told my fast beating heart that I am very much alive and well. And that's indeed what matters.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Le Pew
Holy shit.
While I was getting to it (and I will), the Fonz, who was resting by me out in the cabana, started barking and ran off – before I could stop him. Now, I already had words with him about the neighbor dog – an exhaustive topic of conversation – so, I was taken aback when he ran towards our back door. Barking ensued, and because he stayed so close (and not run up the back of the yard, as was his signature move) I realized something else was happening. I got up and drew back the curtains. The Fonz was confronting a skunk!!! Who had already sprayed him!!! And I can only wish that you had been here to see my reaction. I picked my dog up and started hollerin' HOLY HELL to the skunk. Like a real mad woman, or – rather – a mother, protecting her young. “GET OUT! NOW!!!” I SCREAMED, at the top of my lungs, at this furry rodent, his tail positioned-at-the-ready towards me. He wasn’t budging, and I wasn’t having it. Although the Fonz already REEKED, I wasn’t about to have another demonstration. I told the skunk where to go, and how high to jump getting there, my blood popping through the veins in my neck. I was literally daring him to make another motion towards the Fonz, and now me. My focus never left this skunk’s eye. He skuttered away.
Now, The Stinkiness prevailed. Allow me to interject. I have always loved the smell of skunks. Especially when they are hit, unseen, near the side of a deserted highway. When that glorious aroma wafts in through the cracks of my windows, I'm wide open to receive. Of course that sounds terrible, in lieu of prior tragedy. But as I get a sense of it’s intoxicating smell, I cannot roll both windows down fast enough, breathing in deeply. Call it taste. That smell has always appealed to me... However, the actual fight or flight scent is very different. Not unlike what gasoline would smell liked if it turned sour. And worse than that. It penetrates. Into everything.
Into the shower, I rush us, with the cans of tomato soup, juice & paste (surprisingly, there were many in my cupboard) scrubbing us both down, clothes, shoes, & towels - anything we might have touched. The Fonz shivers under such an unknown solvent. Still, after everything, there’s something in the house that lingers. I’m continually blasted with the smell. No amount of scrubbing floors and cloth will guide me to it’s source. If I am to believe that a single patch of hair carries THIS potency, well then, I have a new-found respect for that creature, the skunk. No wonder that poor cat in the cartoons was always trying to get away. I now understand it. After all these years, only now I get it.