RIDE FREE

I don’t lie. I don’t steal. I’m not a cheat, I wasn’t raised that way. I like to play tough, but really I'm sensitive and vulnerable.. and I'm tired of suffering FOOLS.

In fact, I was raised to give it like you get it. And I got it GOOD. I spent years being generous because I was blessed with a smart brain (and I protected it) that configured a very clever way of making money. That money was hard to get, but well earned. And because it was honest money, and I was making a lot of it, I gave. Loaned money to many – never under the guise that it was free - always with the understanding it would be paid back when times turned around for my trusted friends.

Times turned. The money hasn’t been paid back. I struggle. It's hard. But one thing I do know - taking a different road home sheds new light on things. Driving with abandon down strange streets, accelerating into the unknown, makes me feel free again. Roads appear you never knew existed. The path home, once so familiar, has a street named Irolo.

People will let you down. But keeping an open outlook feels better than harboring resentment. Better to ride free...

Gifts we give ourselves

This was one of those weeks. Life altering, big changes.

As I waited for my friends to arrive at said destination, in lieu of all the hardships I’ve faced this year, I reminded myself of what I have most.. in spades. Character. I asked myself, What is real character? Character, to me, is facing the odds with integrity. It’s getting the job done with an unrelenting passion and an unwavering positive outlook. I’m not talking about Prozac Nation phoniness. But insurmountable odds met with manifesting capacity for greatness. I paced the streets, in thought. I was happy for the moment to myself, to take stock in what I mean to ME. I have chosen a path that refuses compromise to my integrity.

Let me explain. For many years, I foraged my way through the streets of NYC. I was very young, had no real idea of who I was, what I could become. But one thing I knew for sure – I wanted to be the best version of myself. And I became an articulate, well-rounded individual with real edge. I was being exposed to every day situations that demanded moment’s notice action. I learned, through practice, to trust my instinct. It’s the greatest tool we have, underrated by miles. And something that - once cultivated- will never let you down. Not ever. After all – it’s coming from deep inside of you. It’s there to protect YOU.

After years of practice, I branched out to others, a natural recourse. If you aren’t sharing, what exactly are you doing? Friends and family came to depend on me. When I said I’d be somewhere, I’d be there. A situation arose that needed problem solving, I was there, front and center. To listen. Divide and conquer. Or step back and reevaluate together. Always a higher path for each and every one of us. We shouldn't ever live in conflict or misery. Hurting is horrible.. It was my honor to give back. I felt within my core, I had learned.

Now, the body is composed of many things, the heart being the trickiest of them all. Within this last year, I followed that muscle because of the years I spent without romantic love. I went backwards to a past love. In my mind it was a sure thing. We both loved each other deeply already. This would be easy.

It wasn’t. And it had to end. For the sake of both parties involved. Losing that sure thing was a blow to the head with a brick, but essential to my growth. We were both losing. To know when to cut your losses is as important as sensing a good thing and diving. Our lives - lived fully - must have both! In the end, knowing the difference is the battle. Which one you wage is up to you.

Tonight, I found myself in the presence of great minds. Not bogged down by so much grief and angst. No jealousy for my successful week rained on my parade. I was open and alive and for the first time in a long while – myself. The ‘me’ that has traversed many roads, found the right me. We talked of life. And art. And family. The participants sharing honest and brilliant insights, adding to the conversation. I felt as if I was among kindred spirits. The food was AMAZING. Home cooked by a chef, adoring wife, another loving couple, I was the proud fifth wheel. There was no unnecessary drama. Not one individual drew attention to themselves. All shared equal footing, a stage shared by all. We were there to teach each one another how to be, at our finest. Right where I belong, where I deserve to be. No pity party for me.

If we cannot get out of our own way, we are lost. Once we recognize our real strengths, and can contribute to our community of kinders, only then can we find home. Home is a good place to be. It’s only up from here for me.

With much gratitude.